9w4d update

If you are in a vulnerable place, and let’s face it, many of us are, feel free not to read my pregnancy rambles. My love and hope go out to all of my blog friends still fighting the hard fight. 

This morning we had our first visit with the Maternal Fetal Medicine Dr. aka, Dr. High-Risk, it feels like a really big step, we graduated! At the last appointment with our RE she asked if we wanted to transition to someone who specializes in high risk pregnancies. Since we do have several risk factors (age, hypothyroid, fibroids, etc.) I decided to air on the side of caution and go for the “special treatment”. So we ventured into one of the big city hospitals this morning to meet with our new doc. Needless to say I was NERVOUS! Last time I found out I lost my pregnancy it was at the second ultrasound after hearing the heartbeat, I tried hard to reassure myself with ration and statistics but I was still afraid.  

The appointment was really long, almost 2 hours. We started with my medical history, reviewed the medications I was taking and then moved onto an ultrasound. We were a bit nervous that we wouldn’t get to see the bub, we were in an exam room without any equipment but we were ready to push it if need be. When we went into the ultrasound room I was confused as to why I wasn’t told to take off my (lucky) underwear, then I realized I was having an ultrasound like you see in the movies, it wasn’t the old dildo-cam! It was amazing; really, I was having an abdominal ultrasound! The bub was there, heart beating away and measuring exactly as it should, 9w4d. It is still so hard to believe that this seems to be happening.

After the u/s, the hubs caught the train across town to his office, I stayed for the exam; breast, pelvic, pap, fun. I gave into the pressure to get a flu shot and had about 6 different labs performed. I got a date for my next appointment, October 17^th, by then I will be 12 and a half weeks and I will have the preliminary screen for downs and other disorders, to say that I won’t be terrified would be a lie. Depending upon the outcome we would then decide whether or not we want to move forward with more invasive tests. I am really, really, really hopeful that our risk will come back low and I will be able to put some worry to bed. After that appointment, we can spill the beans. But not on FB, fuck that, my heart has been wrenched out of my body one too many times on a social network. 

I am feeling pretty crappy, if I don’t eat the nausea kicks in but I don’t have any appetite. I’ve actually lost a few pounds since the transfer. I have only puked once but every day I am grateful for feeling like a turd, it is reassuring. Initially hubs didn’t seem to get why I was on the couch every day when he got home from work, after crying and explaining how needy I feel he has really stepped up. The emotions are pretty incredible; it seems if I can start crying over the littlest thing, so irrational. I look forward to eventually feeling better but for now I will revel in the feelings of sickness. 

For the next three weeks I am going to try and maintain some Zen. It will be good practice from now until April 30, my EDD! As we all know it is easy to say and harder to do, I am going to try my best.