2011: A year in review

It's nearing the end of the year, I cannot believe how fast time seems to move...sigh. Like many others, I like to reflect back upon the year that is rapidly coming to a close, 2011 has been very eventful, life changing in fact. I imagine 2012 is going to be equally eventful but in very different ways. Thank you for sharing a segment of my life with me, your support is invaluable. I wish that 2012 brings us all of the blessings we so desperately desire.

January:
Way back in January I was closing an 18 year chapter in my life, living in one of the most amazing places, Vermont.  It was with a heavy heart that I left a fantastic job, terrific friends, and an awe-inspiring landscape. As much as I love Vermont, I love my husband more and moving to Boston for his secure, better paying job was worth it. Besides, we are close enough that we can easily visit VT and I was keen to make a fresh start.  My late November/early December miscarriage after my first IVF was really, really hard and I could no longer bear to live apart from the hubs.

Behind our old house. 

February:

February brought my last IVF attempt in Vermont, I had insurance coverage through my old job and felt comfortable and wanted to stay with my doctors, I decided to give it another go. I drove back and forth a lot and stayed with one of my supportive best friends. The cycle was a failure. February was a dark time.
  My husband celebrated his 40th, wow. I am married to a 40 year old!

April:
In April, I turned a year older and remarkably I wasn't filled with self-pity. I tried to remain present and felt optimistic because April 1st marked the start of my new health insurance coverage and a visit to a new RE. I was lonely, missing my friends and spending a ton of time on my own. I was only working part time and my husband spent way too many hours a day commuting. My in-laws, whose cottage we were living in were soaking up the sun in a warmer place, I didn't have too many people to talk to. Brown dog and I took a lot of walks. Towards the end of the month, my sweet nephew J was born and his twin brother J was buried. It was extremely bitter-sweet. My heart hurt for my brother and his wife. 

Brown Dog on the beach

May:
In May I started working part time for a gardener, it was terrific. I LOVE being outdoors and being able to put my hands in the dirt was incredible. I learned some new gardening skills while I was gearing up for IVF #3.  My in-laws were back and spring was a serious mood enhancer. I was looking and interviewing for full time jobs.

 Not a garden I worked in but a lovely display of one of my favorite flowers in Boston. 

June:

June marked IVF #3 which culminated in a chemical pregnancy. I was pretty upset and in denial that I had 3 failed IVF cycles under my belt, I never imagined that I would be in such a place, who does?  I was buoyed a bit by the miscarriage and chemical pregnancies as crazy as that sounds, knowing that I could conceive gave me strength to move forward. Despite another failure, my embryo production was the best it had been. We had 4 frosties and one was a blast! I had never had an embryo grow into a blast before. In addition, I was offered a full time job at an agency that serves victims/survivors of domestic violence. Despite wanting to move away from the DV world, I couldn't deny the feeling of "home" that I had when I went for my interview. I accepted the job and was sad to leave the garden. Putting on sunscreen and bug spray for work was pretty fantastic, I liked it a lot more than dressing up for court everyday (which I had to do in my last job before leaving Vermont). Alas, I needed the stability of full-time, year round employment.

July:
I began working full time in July. Despite a ridiculously long commute, we enjoyed our summer on the coast as much as we could, we kayaked, swam, and hung out at the beach. I started bcps for an FET.

A beach near our old hood. 

August:
August is a special time for me, it is the month that we were married. We planned to go to a Bon Iver show in western Mass to celebrate our anniversary but had to cancel due to the timing of our FET monitoring, for shame. After a bit of looking, we found a place to live!  After months is a small cottage across the street from my in-laws, whom I adore, I looked forward to starting a new chapter in our lives with more space and more privacy. Our move in date was September 1st. After my embryo transfer which I was convinced did not work, I POAS and it was undeniably positive! High doubling betas were not enough to instill confidence, I was badly burned on the last go around and despite feeling excited I could not let go of the fear.

Me and Brown Dog on our early September vacation in the White Mountains, NH.

September:
It took about a full 6 weeks to move, I thought doing it gradually was a great idea. For the first week we only had a mattress to sit on, the hard woods floors proved to be pretty uncomfortable. Despite my reluctance, we had to let a few of our family members in on the news, we needed help moving & had to let folks know I wasn't being lazy. Lying about a back injury did not seem like a good idea. In addition, we graduated from our RE to a MFM, a huge and scary step!

October:
I continued to settle into my job and our new home, I visited my friends in Vermont and despite missing it terribly, I knew that I needed to be in a different place. I embarked on the (holy shit!) second
trimester!

Brown Dog getting used to city life, lots of chucking. 

November & December:


My job became consuming, gearing up and orchestrating the gift drive for over 300 individuals was exhausting and rewarding. I worked several 60 hour weeks and I am finally recovering despite a cold. As for the pregnancy front, I feel like this could really be it, I am starting a baby registry and have begun to think about daycare, parenting and all things baby related. I still get nervous and sometimes bang on my belly so I can wake the little one up and feel its reassuring movements.

And finally here I am. I swear I am much, much bigger than this picture shows. I hope no one finds my face!

Overall, a lot of change in 2011, it is amazing to think back to year's past and my struggles with IF. Again, I wish that all of achieve what you desire in 2012,  may 2012 be even better than your 2011.